Living is Killing. (april 25, 2008)

I’d like to share my latest noteworthy experience.

I shot and killed a squirrel. To eat, and to see if I could and to know what that feels like.

I wasn’t really convinced I could and I therefore I wasn’t quite expecting to kill it and wasn’t quite ready for what that meant. To be honest I hadn’t quite thought it through. It made me sad.
Turns out it doesn’t feel good killing a mammal. It doesn’t phase me much to kill a fish. I don’t quite know why that is. They’re both very animate feisty creatures. And philosophically I am not opposed to killing things to eat.
Physiologically, I suppose, squirrels are closer to humans than fish and that may have something
to do with it. But I think the thing of it is that squirrels might have families. I am drawn to learn all that can about squirrels now that I have taken one of their lives. And to imagine a lover left wondering, or babies left unfed turned my stomach. I cleaned and stuck the little guy in the freezer for when my squirrel appetite returns.

I suppose it didn’t help that I heard a squirrel in the area calling shortly after the deed was done. She was 15 feet up in a tree, sitting on a branch chirping every couple of seconds or so for ten of fifteen minutes. I don’t know for sure, but it is quite likely that she was looking for someone who wasn’t coming home.

The least I could do was leave a platter or sunflowers seeds, pumpkin seeds and walnuts out to help feed the family. And to apologize. I didn’t need to kill for food. But it was a powerful lesson and for that I am grateful.

It is an experience I think all meat eaters should have. And if you think that cows are not family creatures with feelings and love, you are mistaken. I recently moved a cow from my farm to another farm and the hole left in the herd lingers still, after many weeks. It was a hard thing to do. the move was scary, the unknown. And other cows definitely miss her.

and last year a cow was killed just outside the barn and several month later, a young teen cow, a relative of the deceased escaped into the area that the slaughter took place. She could still take in the odour of her family member in the grass. and she was audibly and visibly very disturbed, making sounds I had never heard before.

So take it not lightly when you enjoy a steak or your next meal of squirrel liver - it is a serious thing worthy of serious reflection.

Be well.